| The
anti-Bush
January 29, 2004
Many people have asked me, after reading my
column, whether or not I do drugs. That is a
fair question and the answer is no. Sure, I'm
usually drunk when I write, but I refuse to
take drugs, even marijuana, because I know that
it could destroy my life.
For example, if you smoke marijuana I know
that you will eventually get raped, shoot your
best friend in the head, run over a small child
with your car, drown a completely different
child in a pool and give material support to
al-Qaida.
I learned this, as I learn most things, from
watching television commercials. For the last
five years the government has doled out more
than $600 million to lecture us via the boob
tube about our drug use. And we love it. We
can't get enough.
Lucky for us, the Super Bowl is only days away,
and you know what that means: New anti-drug
ads!
I can't wait to see what terrible calamities
will befall those lousy bong-loving hippies.
Sources close to the White House tell me the
new commercials will show that marijuana smokers
will contract mad cow disease, get crushed by
falling grand pianos, get punched in the balls
by Gary Coleman and buoy the spirits of Kim
Jong-il.
Pot really is more dangerous than we thought.
For the sake of balance, there will be a host
of pro-drug ads during the Super Bowl as well,
including one for the erectile-dysfunction
drug Levitra, the erectile-dysfunction drug
Cialis, the erectile-dysfunction drug Viagra
and nine Budweiser spots.
One commercial that you won't be seeing on
Super Bowl Sunday is a 30-second spot sponsored
by the liberal group Move On, which highlights
the fact that President Bush is plunging the
country further and further into debt. CBS --
which, if I'm not mistaken, stands for Conservatives
Broadcasting to Seniors -- has refused to air
it. The Viacom-owned station defended its hypocritical
decision to run anti-drug spots but not an award-winning
anti-Bush spot by saying it was "too controversial."
This wasn't exactly a surprise. CBS is second
only to Fox in presenting a pro-Bush spin on
its news, according to a study by the Program
on International Policy Attitudes. CBS also
favors Republicans in its political giving,
according to information gathered by the Center
for Responsive Politics at http://www.opensecrets.org.
And let's not forget that CBS is currently lobbying
the administration to push for new FCC rules
that would allow it to grow substantially more
powerful.
Are they suggesting that the White House's
anti-drug ads are not controversial? One puts
the culpability for a rape on the victim and
her drug use. Another blames pot use for an
accidental shooting rather than the parents
who keep a loaded gun in their desk.
During last year's Super Bowl, CBS aired a
spot that said smoking pot aids terrorists.
(They eventually pulled these ads for fear that
the excessive eye rolling would cause permanent
damage, leading to increased use of medicinal
marijuana.)
And if you've seen the ad where a group of
black guys are hot boxing a beat up car at the
drive-through window of a fast food restaurant,
then you know I'm not exaggerating when I say
it's the most racist thing I've seen on television
in a long time.
(As a side note, McDonald's is running similar
and equally offensive ads as part of its "I'm
Lovin' It" campaign. These ads show that
being black and dirt poor is actually fun, like
when you have to choose between buying gasoline
or eating at McDonald's. I love it when that
happens!)
Adding to the controversy, the agency responsible
for the anti-drug campaign, Ogilvy and Mather,
was recently indicted by a federal grand jury;
two top executives were charged with overbilling
the
government for the earliest of the anti-drug
ads, according to The Washington Post. The company
already repaid $1.8 million as part of a civil
suit but, amazingly, is still receiving taxpayer
money.
What CBS fails to recognize is that an anti-Bush
ad is the equivalent of an anti-drug ad. After
all, our president is a walking "This is
your brain, this is your brain on drugs"
commercial. We should be warning drug users
that they might turn into a dull-witted, monkey-faced
Republican Texan. That ought to scare them straight.
The Bush administration is losing the War on
Drugs for the same reason it is losing the peace
in Iraq: It doesn't understand diplomacy.
First, they hunt down critically ill medicinal
marijuana users and bust them as if they were
a Colombian drug cartel. Second, the administration
pushes its pro-pain and suffering agenda in
the courts, proving once again that the smart
money is on the conservative devil on Bush's
shoulder and not the compassionate angel. And
last but not least they lock up Chong, of the
immortal duo Cheech and Chong, on trumped up
charges, converting him into the Jesus of weed
for thousands of followers.
The ridiculous anti-drug commercials are just
further missteps in a quagmire of a war that
we should have ended long ago. We are literally
and figuratively blowing our WOD.
So when you see the White House's anti-drug
ads during the Super Bowl this year remember
that your tax dollars are being abused to make
those commercials. Think of Bush's defense contractor
buddies who are raking in your tax dollars thanks
to the unnecessary war in Iraq. Think of the
manic spending and spiraling deficits that our
children will end up inheriting.
Think of all of this and you won't need to
watch Move On's anti-Bush ad on TV; you will
be watching your own anti-Bush ad in your head.
source:-http://www.dailyemerald.com
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